I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
