just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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