i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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