thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
