"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
