Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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