So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drake has all the answers
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
