then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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