I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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