I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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