Your face is a jimmy john
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
