i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
