11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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it's not cheating when I paid for it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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