So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
