I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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