ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its not stalking. its research.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
