I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
