i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to make out with him forever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
