The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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