First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
