I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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