Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
