I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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