I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1047 607 share tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize