The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
