okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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