I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
