I just made out with a guy for $7.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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