Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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