So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
