Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
