I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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