I skipped work to stalk him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
