I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
