I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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