Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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