i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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