is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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