i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
