I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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