i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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