dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
