idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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