Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
