Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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