she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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