Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
