we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
