The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
