At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
