birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
