its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
