Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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