Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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