Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The maid of honor just puked.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
