Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my sisters under your porch take her home
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
