sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was so not down for the gang bang
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
