the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
