im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
