Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
